why am i so abusive?

look. i'm not some hulking behemoth. i'm a nice, cuddly guy. (for any potential suitors out there: i can be anything you want me to be, sailor.)
which is why i was so shocked at my own behavior recently. over the course of 7 days, i managed to slap, punch, or bean each of the female wieners.
my first target was jenny: during an otherwise routine late-night dance rehearsal for our show, i managed to hit jenny in the face. twice. on the same move in the dance. the first time, she bravely kept her composure, but when my flailing limbs struck yet again, she lost it.
next up was good ol' lang: right in the middle of our show, no less. there comes a moment in a scene where i "pretend" to "stab" lang with an epipen. well, hilarious fiction became ugly reality when lang informed me the next day that her ass had a large bruise on it, and some broken blood vessels as well.
perhaps the attack de resistance landed squarely on jules' face: after a rainstorm and sudden freeze the other week, i was happily walking with said victim on the icy sidewalks of brooklyn. i was carrying a large metal travel mug of hot coffee. ignoring the conditions and maintaining my usual brisk pace, i slipped, and threw my arms out to maintain my balance. the coffee cup clocked jules, leaving a slightly black eye, and an unfortunately bruised lip.
what have i become?
mike