gabe walks to the video store twice in one night. still fat.

that's right, reader (read: mom). the other night i went to my local video store twice. why?
the first time around, i was psyched to see 'the chronicles of riddick' on the shelf, and was happy to pay off my (lit'rally) 40 dollar late fee to see it. sure, i'd read the terrible reviews of it like anyone else, but i didn't believe them. something about a futuristic action movie co-starring vin diesel and judi dench, the preview for which features vin outrunning a spaceship on foot, seemed totes unsinkable.
well, the marketing whizzes at universal are doing something right, because they got my dough, and in return delivered an absolutely, incomprehensibly boring drama wherein vin diesel strikes a trillion catwoman poses and purrs 'i'm another kind of evil.' yes--you are--a really confusing kind that would have me in tears, were i not totally numbed by drugs.
by the time he took on the spaceship in a footrace, i myself was prefontaining over to the eject button, because i too am another kind of evil: the no-nonsense kind.
i sweettalked the idiot behind the video counter into letting me exchange the 'chronicles' for something else--namely, the follow-up to the best movie ever, 'the bourne supremacy.' thank you god for matt damon, europe, and loneliness.
i will undoubtedly keep this movie for another six weeks, friends, if anyone would like to come over and watch it. that's sort of how i roll. like the time i spent thirty bucks to rent (but not watch) 'confessions of a teenage drama queen.'