Dachs Dream Dashed!

I was walking up 9th ave as I do every weekday afternoon, when I passed a woman walking a dachshund.

Well I think we all know how much I have been fantasizing about getting a liddow dachs of my own, naming him Wedgie, Wiener, Toots, Peanut, Tum Tum, or Shaft, and making my life thereby complete.

HOWEVER. This woman was holding TWO leashes: one around his neck, and the other attached to a sort of BRACE, which wrapped around his stomach and, when she lifted it, kept his long, gloriously wiener-like belly from dragging the ground.

I just don't want to do that. Ideally, I'd like my dog's spine to suffice as torso support. OH REGAL DACHSHUND!!!! If only your body were gravitationally viable!!!!
I would make you mine.