oscar, i hardly fondled ye

i held a grammy once. one word: meh.
i touched a tony once. kinda dinky.
but last night, i cradled the motherlode. god, he was gorgeous. and heavy! just like they always say. my friends, i wrapped my tiny hands around an oscar.
sure, it wasn't on stage at the kodak theater or anything. actually, it was in an east village bar. apparently, a regular had won for best documentary, and to his credit he celebrated in a most plebian way: pizza, friends, beer, and a big fat academy award sitting on the table.
i already decided that if i ever get one of my own, i'm going to take it home and sit on it. thank you academy!