Let's face the music here, assholes, it's time for me to get a Dachshund

I've always been one of those people that "doesn't like sweets," "won't get a perm," and "owns no plaid," and accordingly I've always been a "big-dog person"-- you know, like Mastiffs and Rotties and stuff? And obvies I still believe that shi-tzus and little fru fru things are naturally pathetic and ragged-looking and always have crusty butts/eyes and I would sooner carry a turd in a party hat like an ice cream cone than I would put one in a burberry carryall, but Dachs are not like that. Dachs are awesome.

Paint my case rested. I love you little Wien. Maybe he could be our mascot?