It's a "Little bit" Monday

I'm not sure that I can speak for all of those other wieners, but monday A.M. finds me drinking some water and thinking about how far I can push the christmas decorations before the Twelve Tribes of Israel get all up in my face like, "you're jewish! stop decorating your house like you believe in christ!"
Monday monday, huh? All I can say is that that guy who wears the leotard BETTER be at the gym when I go there, otherwise I'm quitting and letting myself slowly get fat.

It's come to my intention that the above plan may already be underway.

But while we're here, on this topic, did you know that "there is such a thing as being a little bit pregnant?" yeah, so says the ad for some preggers test. um, actually, i think it's either that you're knocked up or your life isn't ruined. it's either/or, assholes. What does being a little bit pregnant even mean? do you have the beginnings of the fetus, or just the shame and fire that takes residence in your heart and soul after committing such a slutty act? Not that I've expereinced any of these symptoms before...HOW LITTLE IS A "LITTLE BIT????" OH MY GOD. HOW LITTLE IS A "LITTLE BIT??" TOBY, (AND GABE, OR MAYBE MIKE), WE NEED TO TALK. ONE OF YOU MAY HAVE A "LITTLE BIT" OF A PROBLEM ON YOUR HANDS...remember the night that I did too many "whip it's"...and i was hanging out with you guys...in my "no pants" outfit...
love,
jenny