Jenny is not Dead

Many of you many have noticed that I have been conspicuously absent from the blog, and probably the same number of readers feel a relief in not having to read about my diarreahs and neighbors that I expect might be dead. Maybe you even thought that I'M DEAD? Well, I'm alive and as it turns out: just barely. Guess what? I think my little sister may have tried to murder me on saturday.

"I've got a treat for you," She said over the phone.

Guess what it was? A "magic cookie". I feel like the police are watching my every move, so let's hope that you know what I mean on this one. She told me to eat only a quarter, explaining that her tall ex boyfriend had eaten a half and tripped for like 90 days.

"Whatever," I thought, "I've never eaten only PART of a cookie. Cookie's are for eating, and I'm gonna eat this cookie right now." Too bad I'm such a greedy fatty, because within 2 hours I was going crazy and embarassing myself. I sat for about 10 minutes in a bar with my good friends and then i announced that i was "going to the bathroom", where I barfed my cookie REALLY HARD and reapplied my lipgloss. When I stumbled out of the bathroom with a snotty, "what?" look on my face I realized three things:
1) When something similiar happened I pooped in that bathroom, but not the toilet and didn't even realize
2) I hadn't flushed the toilet and the crosshairs were broken on my barf gun...jenny made-y a messy!
3) The guys playing pool were like "freshman!", which just sucks because I'm DONE with college and I have a job and I'm a comedian...(cut to me hanging "invisi-thongs" at american apparel all saturday while I laugh at jokes that I tell myself about the invisi-thongs and who they will end up with)

It's cool though. I'm sure people at columbia think i'm really awesome. I'm ready for anything! There's no way that I could have done something so outrageous that people would remember, right? I love you guys so much.
love,
Jenny