Fatty Times at Midnight High

Last night, pretty late, and pretty retarded, Mike Barry noticed a pot of Nutella on the spice rack.

"Can we make something with this?" he asked innocently.

Keep in mind that this is AFTER I ripped his taste buds apart with my delicious aged goat gouda dipped in crazy gourmet herby mustard.

"Sure," I said, toasted some white bread, spread Nutella on it, and poured heavy cream into a bowl for us to dip the sammy in.

We basically couldn't believe how fucking amazing it was. Every bite was like a new reason to be alive. So creamy, and crunchy, just the right amount of saltiness to the bread...goddddam

THEN, Matty Delicious gets a bite of the tail end of our sammy, and decides he wants in. But obvies, he DELICIFIES it times ten: melts about a POUND of butter in the pan, and pan fries the hot white bread, slathers it in the remaining BASICALLY ENTIRE bottle of Nutella, and soaks it in cream.

Needless to say, I woke up with an army boot in my lower intestines this morning. But I am a changed man. You heard me: man. I woke up this morning with a tiny hazelnut dick and I'm ready to take over the world.