DOPED UP AT WORK

so since I sit at my desk all day at the office, if I don't work out I get terrible backpains, (which is gross cause its like an old nasty lady who files for disability cause her ass is too heavy to drag further than the stairwell for a smoke). My doctors told me, perhaps wrongly, that I was not allowed to work out for the past month and a half, because I am dangerously underweight.

"NO!" they said! "You hover over a fragile precipice of death, Jules. ONE CASHEW uneaten, ONE SNICKER unconsumed and you will fall flag dead on your face."



But now I have decided to throw caution to the wind and work out again. WHICH brings me to my fucking point, since it's PROBABLY NIGHTTIME NOON aka MIDNIGHT already:

as I was swimming (alone, obvies) at Crunch next to my office, the lifeguard stuck a HUGE HOSE

pumping concentrated chlorine into the pool. it was sooo concentrated. one time I left my swimcap in a plastic bag with my unrinsed swimsuit and the chlorine ate the cap. I mean, this is powerful stuff. and it started to make my skin burn. And I know this guy is also a swim instructor so in my head I thought he was trying to kill me for my poor form. I mean, I genuinely believed I was being murdered. THATS HOW HIGH I WAS. I thought I was actively being murdered in a chemical bath.

WHICH, no doubt, I could have turned into a SICK AWESOME life.