Weather forecast in Julesville: 46% chance of infanticide

I got the coolest new fish in my fishtank. It's literally a tiny little shark with soooo much energy. Every time I think about him I get electrocuted a tiny bit. He is the best fish. Now I secretly wish all the others would die so that I can have all tiny sharks. I hope that's not an indicator of what kind of mom I'll be, "glancing" away from the playground "for hours" until the older, dorkier kids "fall off the swings" so that I can replace them with cooler, more energetic sharks.

If I rolled with an army of tiny, friendly sharks, I would truly be unstoppable (barring


insane laziness,


and a slight drinking problem.)