Science: officially better than food?

Everyone knows my heart belongs to the Dining section of the times, and that my pulse skips a beat every time I hear Frank Bruni's huge Shakespearean collar ruffle in a truffle-fart wind. Usually I am inconsolable until Wednesday, when there ol' Frank will be, peddling adverbs from inside his brocaded chamber robe.

But can I PLEASE alert you to this SECTION of the NEWSPAPER???? Literally the Science Times has the AWESOMEST headlines/bylines. please listen to this pressing NEWS:

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Amygdala: Word as Earworm
By JAMES GORMAN
Can a word be an earworm, a tune that lodges itself in the brain and will not be moved?

me: I NEED TO KNOW!! I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT THAT!

Is It Dutch? Japanese? Why Not Ask the Rat?
By NICHOLAS BAKALAR
A team of Spanish neuroscientists has shown that a well-trained rat may be able to determine what language you are speaking.

me: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?? THAT HAS HUGE IMPLICATIONS FOR PET-OWNERS!!!!!!!

Plague Ants, Plantains and Scorched Plantations
By CARL ZIMMER
An entomologist believes that he has solved a 487-year-old ecological mystery regarding ants and the island of Hispaniola.

me: WHAT WAS THE MYSTERY?? WAS IT A CRIME? DID ANTS DO IT?? WHERE IS THE ISLE OF HISPANIOLA???

Blasting Into the Core of a Comet to Learn Its Secrets
By WARREN E. LEARY
This week, NASA is to launch a spacecraft called Deep Impact, hoping to smash into a comet's nucleus at 23,000 miles per hour.

me: REALLLLLLLLLY?????? THAT'S SO FUCKING INTENSE!!! 23,000 MPH?

The Secret Lives of Just About Everybody
By BENEDICT CAREY
Psychologists say that most normal adults are well equipped to start a secret life and that keeping a secret is a key to healthy development.

me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????? THE NEWS IS THAT I SHOULD START A SECRET LIFE? THIS IS THE BEST NEWS! MAYBE I WILL GO TO HISPANIOLA!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[jules looks right, then left, screaming at top of lungs, hurtles self out office window]

I love you, science.