wiener_dumps42069@nutz.peaceout

One and All. Here are some delicious excerpts from today's Wiener to Wiener emails. It will go down in history as the day before the night we rehearsed at Jenny's apartment instead of Gabe's.

Julia to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 15:30:59
Man. these video projects are exciting. hmm, I have been neglecting the blog today. but we stoked that bitch like a bonfire yesterday, sheeeit. why did I just turn into Reba Macintre for that sentence? I wish I'd turned into Bonnie Raitt.

I CANNOT describe what it feels like to have a lee press on nail 3/4" thick glued on top of my middle toe nail, jaggedly clipped off, and stuffed into a moist and sockless Saucony shoe. it's nasty. mike, did you ever get your coke nail off? or are you and tinkerbell twogood blowing fairy dust in the can?

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 15:37:44
i just tried to make a tuna salad and now my house smells like a
olives marinated in tara reid's pussy. for 90 hours. arinated in tara
reid's pussy for 90 hours.
love,
jenny

Mike to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 15:40:44
yeah juwyer, it's still strapped to my pinkie. i trimmed it, but it
looks like i jammed a packet of mayonnaise under my nail, it's so
milky white. the other temp said my finger looked diseased. i just
laughed and laughed, until i started hacking and then i coughed up a
cockroach and it jumped onto my call transferring console and started
tapdancing, which of course made everyone's phone ring simultaneously,
and to make a long story long, my boss pulled my undies out of my
crack with two letter openers and a jar of crisco, and it's not sore,
so no harm no foul, right? right.

Gabe to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:04:26
[wearing a gold-sequined top hat]
hey guys, i think i've figured out a way to get those press-on nails off.
1. travel back in time to the moment you first began to glue them on
2. look yourself (the one from the past, with the packet of
squeeze-glue and a crazy glint in their eye) dead in the eye.
3. say "no, you idiot, no!"
4. slap your past-self firmly on the back of the hand.
5. return to the present.

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:25:37
yessssss. lets fuck at my house at 8. i mean practice. (to everyone
except lang i mean practice. to lang i mean donkey punch, and
actually, to toby i mean clit flick).
love,
jen

Lang to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:28:30
But Toby aaalllllwwwaaayyyss gets the clit flick. And he NEVER shares.
I mean...I guess I'll settle for a scrotum scribble...get out your
pencils, children!!!

Gabe to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:25:37
yay. jenny's at 8. cookies. sick times. clits.

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:51:46
we should put this shit up on the blog.
put this too: ORGASM ORGASM hahahahahahahahha

Gabe to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:54:04
do you know how to do it jen? i like the way i formatted the last two
email threads on the blog, so try and do it like that. or else i'll
pluck your pubes one by one and glue them to your favorite doll's
smooth non-anatomical crotch. that's right. puddin's crotch.

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 16:57:56
don't use your dirty mouth to say puddin's name. i don't know how to
work the fucking blog. i don't even know how to write emails. rotunda,
my secretary, is typing this via my dictation. more like my
dick-tation. that's right. i bang my secretary all day. dirty slut.
dirty slut comes to work in too-tight skirt and open shirt. dirty
dirty i'm the boss!

lang's the boss. lang's my boss.

don't say "puddin" again gabe or you'll get an envelope filled with
your pubes and it will be mailed to you IN YOUR GRAVE.

Lang to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 17:02:56
Did someone messenger me an envelope filled with pubes? They look like
Gabe's. Gabe, I told you once and I'll tell you again, "I don't want
these and I don't need these." What I need is a plumber to clean my
pipes and plug my waterworks. Comprendo? If you feel the need to
messenger those curly little rascals over to me again, please send the
Pussy CD with it.

Mike to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 17:11:56
WHOA WHOA, fire off one 17 page, crazy, angry, puss-splattered email
to your proctologist, and miss the whole goddamn email thread? i
think not. and thus, i present to you fine ladels and jellyspoons my
contribution to this conversation. to wit:
[to the tune of the old fig newton song, a la that episode on the
simpsons when homer's mother sings it to him to go to sleep]
ooey gooey we're so jewey hannukah,
golden flakey is jen's cakey vag-ahhhh,
put her butthole in a mutt's hole and you get (darn tootin!)
it's her greasy
colon
shootin'!!!

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 17:12:34
SHUT UP GABE!!! SHUT UP!!!! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD! GO TO YOUR HOUSE! NO!
GO THERE! SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING LEFT! NO! THERE ISN'T. BECAUSE IT
GOT ROBBED.

I ROBBED IT BUT MIKE AND LANG TOLD ME TO BLAME IT ON THE BLACKS.

lang's my boss.

Gabe to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 17:12:34
that's it.
i am writing you all from my helipad in the andes. i've decided that
i cannot and will not put up with anymore threats from jenny-fur
sar-duh slay-t. you can all take turns crying into my discarded
laundry pile. BECAUSE I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT NOTHING YOU
MOTHERFUCKERS. literally, i'm not coming back. i'm just going to
hover here until A-ROD aka JEN-SHIT says she's as sorry as her mom
knows she is.
i'm my own boss. and i'm fired. i can't fire me--you know why?!
becuause I QUIT.

Jenny to Wieners, Tue, 7 Dec 2004 17:21:52
you know, i'm laughing. know why? because that is just so so so sad.
in the words of my ex-boss, "you're acting like a child. like someone
who's learning to be an adult".

and in the words of the pastry chef at said ex-job, "i'm gonna smoke
you out of your hole, you fucking fat kike. i'm gonna come to your
house and steal your shit, and i'm gonna put a lighter to your little
pink clit while you sleep and kill you by killing your clit first. and
then i'm going to make everyone a BLT instead of you, because kikes
don't eat bacon and i hate you."

dear gabe: i'm so sorry...FOR YOU!!!!!!! hahahahahahahaha. fuck off
pussy. wanna come over though?