Who castrated santa?

Jules Langbein sees a gaping hole in the fabric of this country's quality of life: why are Christmas Carols so benign and tootsy frootsy? It doesn't sound to me like anybody's really STOKED that their savior was born. It was a silent night, someone gave his love an aviary, 5 golden rings and about 36 slaves, and a drummer boy queafed. Carol is the perfect word for them: Carols I have known have mostly been librarians or fupa-toting step-aunts.


I think it's time to integrate carols with funtimes. and when you mix carols with funtimes you get cuntimes.

So here are some rocking carols that I think everybody (wink wink) can sing along to.

COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE
COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE
COME ON LIGHT THE NIGHT ON...FIYAAAAAAA THE SAVIOR IS BORN

TAKE ME DOWN TO PARADISE CITY
WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY.
OH WONT YOU PLEASE
TAKE ME HOOOOOME THE LORD ROSE ON THE THIRD DAY.

GIRL I CAN'T DENY IT
GIRL YOU KNOW I CANT HIDE IT
YOU KNOW YOURE MAKING IT HARD FOR ME
WE'RE DANCING SO CLOSE
OOOH DANCING SOO CLOSE
FEEL A LITTLE POKE COMING THROUGH
ON YOUUUU THE SON OF GOD IS BORN

CUNTIMES, HUH? (secret: it works with almost any song. have a rrrreally fun afternoon.)