Someone hit me in the jugular with a poison dart

and attached to that poison dart please put a post-it (excuse the redundant adhesiveness) reminding me that it alienates people at work when I
-order in super exotic spicy Korean and Thai stews to clean out my congested sinuses that make me beet red and sweaty and smell like hot hot ass from a distance.
-have conversations where all people hear is you giggling and whispering: "yeah?...I think you sound like a goose...quack...hahahahha...no you're the goose...silly goose....canada...a canada goose...quack...I love you too...ok, bye bye mallord goose...that IS a duck HAHHAHA I love you duckie..."
-wear a russian fur hat while I sit at my desk. take it off when you come in. you're already about to have a meltdown from hot assy stew. seriously.

-have conversations where all people hear is you going: "MOMMMYYYY. I don't CARE if Daddy can come or not. Daddy is a TWAT. Just buy me a ticket to Naples... A TWA-- forget it, it doesn't mean anything. It means someone who is obnoxious." (I say shit like this)
-me blowing snot all over my desk and everywhere because I have a special kind of cold that just makes me sneeze like cartoons who encounter pepper. like wawawawawawawa KABLOOOOEEEY!!! and then I look like newborn fetal spiderman wrapped in slime.
-constantly give people a really awkward forced smile