Toddler hussies in baseball jersies and falsies do it...
Serial killers and their favorite step-aunt Jeanine do it...
Bands of tiny jesters do it...
Santa Claus...
Bilbo Baggins...
Ben Affleck...
This sloot ALLL do it...
SO WHY CAN'T I DO IT?? WHY CAN'T I OPEN A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE WITHOUT THE CORK SHOOTING OUT AT MACH 45, HITTING MY BOYFRIEND ON THE TEMPLE AT A DISTANCE OF ABOUT 5 FEET, THEN BURSTING INTO TEARS IN THE BELIEF HE IS DEAD AND I HAVE KILLED HIM, WHILE EVERYONE SILENTLY LEAVES THE PARTY IN SHOCK AND TERROR.
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