i'm sorry, cantor cohn

that apology is not just for my old cantor (who trained me to sing a haftorah about harvesting wheat as though it was the opening number to a sad, sad musical about harvesting wheat).
i'm sorry to you mom and dad, bubbi, tante bertha, uncle lester, the feldmans, the feldbaums, etc.
last night, i engaged in something that will make your latke-laden bellies turn. i not only chipped-in for, but also spent hours decorating, my very first christmas tree.
being the one jew in a four-person apartment of catholixxx, i took a hint from anne frank and made my heritage scarce. now i have a warm, pleasant disposition, and jauntiness in my step, despite all the tay-sachs coursing through my etrog-for-a-brain.
please forgive me, and of course, DON'T BE TOO JEALOUS, SUCKAZ!

shalom,
gavriel ben iohn v'iulie